Today marks day 15 of what I call a detoxifying process.Since my return home to Miami to complete my final year in school,so much has happened (good and bad).The good thing about rotations (unpaid clerkship) is that I get to spend time with my family and live outside my books.This has been a challenge for me but I am walking out my dream so fun went to the bottom of my bucket list.
As it relates to the bad,it's not what you're probably thinking.There are no financial or physical hardships per se but I have walked away from my first love and it hurts.My schedule every week has been 9-5,choir rehearsal through the week and socializing with my family.I transitioned to another church and I am also being pulled every other weekend to do something towards my career.No longer was I consistent with the schedule I had in college waking up early to pray,fast and devote time to God.My first love had now become a burden to communicate with.This is a no-no.I desire to still live as if there is a heaven and a hell.
So as I headed to work October 1st to help with a flu clinic,God asked me how bad I wanted to be on fire for Him again.His voice was loud but yet subtle.I responded internally with, "I need you badly."He then asked me to deactivate my facebook account and allot some time to either pray or read my bible because my spirit was on "E".He told me just because everyone else was being "busy",doesn't mean I should follow the crowd.So I am now reading the celebration of discipline.I am an encourager by nature but I was not re-fueling myself after pouring out myself to everybody else.Another area that changed was my physical body.I was so fatigue after work to the point where I would wake up the next day.My weight also increased.
Life is good and I have nothing to complain about but God literally instructed three of my loved ones to question me about my spiritual life out of no where.I believe this was a warning and also preparation for my next level.My fasting has been inconsistent.I also had an itch to do stuff when God was telling me to sit still and rest. Somehow,I allowed the distractions and idols of my heart to ignore "the voice" that has given me-LIFE.This voice is my first love-Jesus Christ.I now understand what it means when I hear folks say when everything is good,you don't need God.But when things are bad,we pray and seek God more.Everything good is not always from God.So if you and I are not doing things that bear fruit or advances the kingdom of God,we are operating in idolatry.An idol is anything that takes the place of God.
I thank God for the refreshment,rejuvenation and self evaluation.If you are located in this same place,pray this prayer.God,I repent to you and Jesus Christ for creating idols (myself, people, food, and being busy) in my heart.I repent for not being kingdom driven and telling you what I want to do.Obedience is what you desire from me always.Thank you for grace to start over again.I miss you.Help me oh Lord to get rid of ALL idols so I can seek first the kingdom of God and remain in love with Jesus Christ.
