Boy meets world

Thursday evening,I had the chance to talk to an old friend who is- "the man." Continue reading so you can understand why I refer to him as "the man".I am sharing this because I believe that this will help someone understand the role of men as it relates to purpose.

This friend and I spent a few times talking in high school,but aside from having swag,poetic skills as a rap artist and cute,his aura of "acting" like a thug was intimidating.The reason I say that he was acting like a thug is because God gave me an x-ray vision that there was a tender,wounded and intellectual man trapped inside his body.He was not an average guy at all. He wore braided hair for a while and was always prepared to fight if people stepped to him or his bestfriend (now deceased) the wrong way,but in the classroom- a genius. Again, not your average guy.

Twelve years later, that wounded and intellectual young man has been strategically place on the path to SEEK out purpose.He recently celebrated the birth of his beautiful princess and according to him- he will never be or think the same because of this.I had just left work telling God in my car that corporate America only cares about productivity,numbers and not the person behind the productivity. He felt the same way too.So I am on a prayerful quest to find God's purpose for my life.That's another blog.

I will not be able to share all the details about our conversation because you will be reading all night. What amazed me about my friend is how much he has gone through as a young man, but mostly his thirst for a relationship(not religion) with God and vision for his family. As a woman,I often think about why some men toss their penis every chance they get;why they leave their children to fend for themselves or why it's so hard for them to commit to anything. But my friend began to share with me how the absence of his father contributed to his brokenness as a man.After living a life where driving luxury cars,traveling and wearing the best was not an issue- life was not always good.So ladies,we're not the only ones who are dealing with things.Men aren't emotional so we will never "see" the pressures they are faced with day to day.So pray and praise a man who tries to share his life with you but is struggling with communication.

Anyway,I sat in awe as he described the night that he had a gun held in between his eyes and how his baby brother was shot in the leg because the robbers thought that he was a drug dealer.Now I know you're wondering how he was able to live such a lavish life.Well, he comes from a family of hard-working men that believed in providing for generations.His mother, owned a prospering day care center.So he inherited the entrepreneurship spirit and started businesses of his own. He has a love for music but he is still motivated to believe that even out of wed lock, his daughter is NOT a mistake and God will establish him in time.I will also add that he is providing for his girlfriend and making sure she fulfills her dream while God is working on him.Again,he is "the man."

My friend's dad was in and out of his life;married at least 3 times;now separated and is now seeing a woman half his age.For everything that he believes he was suppose to know and develop into as a man, his father did not teach him those things.His father's absence created insurmountable pain for him & his siblings that God is now repairing.Today,my friend has been on a quest for the past two years dissecting the word of God,learning about the kingdom and making sense of what it means to be a father and LEAVE behind a legacy.He now spends long hours being fed at the table of great men such as Dr.Myles Munroe and Dr.Creflo Dollar in his home.

So what am I saying to you? I am a firm believer that a man is the head of a household and a woman's job is to help him with an already-given vision.The reason why the body of Christ is in shambles is because the enemy is on a never-ending quest to steal,kill and destroy the men.From the government,to businesses and ministries, men are the vessels that God uses to maintain structure.But as we watch the news around the world,the majority of men who are alive are not even persuaded to wanna talk about God, much less walk in obedience.I will pray for him as he prepares to sit down and share his heart with his dad.

So if you're a man who is reading this blog,I charge you to find out who you are supposed to be in God,evaluate your past decisions and begin to seek answers.If you're a woman reading this,do the same.But what empowered me while talking to my friend is that there are young men out there who want answers but need guidance.I find it sexy when a man is not intimidated by people because he knows his identity.Finally,I'm reminded of the analogy he gave me of how when a kid is crossing the street, they lift their hand up because they may get hit by a car crossing alone.As a christians,it's time to lift up our hands AGAIN and let God re-define us and show us how to SEEK a life of purpose.I celebrate my friend and other broken men on a quest for purpose because it's only a matter of time before God establishes them

10 Tips to help you while single

Co-worker:"Lorneka,why are you still single?" You're very pretty,educated and you're getting older.

Family-member:"Do you prefer women because so many men hurt you before ?" *shakes my head*

I'm sure these questions sound familiar.My prayer is that,what the Holy spirit gave me,blesses you.It's a challenge to remain pure in a contaminated-world but it is possible for singles to live pure & holy.

Going shopping for Mr.Right-for-you is not God's plan for us as women.So praise God that you are single,going to church and waiting because it could be worse.Find your identity and confidence in Christ and do NOT allow anyone to frustrate you in this season.But here's my question - "do you really know how to identify a Godly-man?" Well,here are some tips to help you while waiting:

1. Desire a man who has character and not just charisma.Charisma will NOT save your soul.

2. Be honest with yourself.Identify your non-negotiables. For example,I need a man who understands tithing because God commands everyone to tithe.This is not open for discussion.

3. Dating or not,make sure the man you want knows how to develop or bring the best out of you.

4. Talk about his family,finances and spiritual life.If you have to make him go to church or pray,the relationship won't last so find the nearest exit and leave.

5. Observe his spiritual life outside of church.Personally,if I am leading prayer all the time or wanting to seek God on issues,this is an unequally yoked relationship.

6. Date yourself.Get your hair done,take a vacation or journal at your favorite restaurant while looking fabulous.Do not wait on a man to enjoy life.Men are impressed by a confident-woman.

7. Pray,study the word & seek healing.Open-wounds from the past can affect other areas of your life.

8. Set BOUNDARIES.Find a mature/accountable sister.For e.g,if you struggle with fornication,opt for group dating or set a curfew should you choose to go on a date with a man.

9. Watch and TEST potential guys.Every guy you meet is not your husband & everyone has motives.
If God did not tell you he is your husband,bring your emotions subject and keep moving.

10. Invest in your PURPOSE.When you get married,your personal dreams become second and your husband/family becomes priority over your social life.Paul talks about this in Corinthians.Don't put off what you can accomplish today.Use this time wisely.

For the past ten years,I've found power in the CROSS & I am happier than ever because I decided to surrender.I love marriage but I will not sit & wallow about what's not happening - YET.Accept where you are & know that "...No good thing shall He (God) withhold from you."(Psalm 84:11)

Cheers to your single & fabulous journey!

Mighty are His works!!!!!!

As a desire to grow in my relationship with God,there are sacrifices that need to be made along the way. My God-mother and I have selected one day out of the week to interceed for others and be renewed.I am a believer that when I take time out for others,God will take care of me.It's important for us as a society to give back and do for others.So along with intercession,there is a scripture that we focus on every week.

So the theme for the day is "What a Mighty God we Serve!
A smile came to my face when I saw the theme.I had to take a minute and really think about how mighty God has been to me in the midst of my recent struggles.I was dismissed early from class and was led to come home before I study and worship, by writing a love letter to my MIGHTY God.

Here is the scripture reference: Psalm77:12 says,  "I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.” And as I pray today, I will remember what a “Mighty God” we serve.

The part that stuck out to me this morning was....."consider all your works and meditate......." I am going through trials just like you and I had to remind myself of the works He has performed.So I'm encouraging YOU to write out those deeds.To my heavenly Daddy and the world,here are the Mighty deeds that made me grateful and sensitive today.

• I am grateful that I drove to school this morning in a car after my old car's engine blew out on me last week on the highway
• I am grateful that I have some food in my house to eat with less than $10 in my bank account
• I am grateful my dream of becoming a pharmacist is near completion
• I am grateful that my past relationships did not kill me and it was NOT the end of my story
• I am grateful that I am healed & no longer crying in a closet over a broken relationship
• I am grateful the curse of death was broken off of my family.Funerals drained me but I'm well
• I am grateful that when I laugh and smile now,it's not a fake smile.It's real!
• I am grateful that my bills were paid last year and I didn't even have a job.I lived off financial aid and God opened doors
• I am grateful God's plans for me are WAY bigger than what I am seeing now.
• I am sooooo grateful to be loved by a God that loves me despite my attitude and selfishness. I'm  glad that I don't have to buy his love anymore to be accepted.

I AM so grateful right now that there isn't enough space to keep typing them all. But I hope this has blessed you as it is blessing me. As I think about what I am grateful for,it is encouraging me in the Lord and to pray for those who are hurting and forgot how Mighty are His works. I speak life over everyone who falls upon this post.Do as the word says and remind yourself and satan of what God did for YOU in the past because they're TOO mighty to be forgotten. Be blessed

Can he tell who you serve?

One of my best friends and I have been talking about a plethora of issues for the past few months. The issues range from politics to relationships to entrepreneurship to church. But the topic that we  often revisit is relationships.My best friend and I are not relationship experts, but we believe that God is a god of unity.If you were to meet him one day, you will know that he loves women all day and all night. John (as he shall be called for now), who is almost 40 years old believes that all women are gold diggers, commitment cost too much and if he wants pleasure, he can go to a strip club for some drinks with the boys.

Being a woman is a blessing and it also can become a burden if you don't know who you are or what you want from life. I'm not the only woman who has created a bucket list for meeting men. My best friend is not my ideal guy because he is not born again.I tried to change him in the beginning and then realized if he accepts me for being spiritual, then it was time for me to let him be and just keep praying for him or find another friend.Years later, he is the most faithful guy friend I know. So from experience ladies, stop trying to change a man to become your Mr.Perfect. If he doesn’t have what you want or need in a guy, leave him alone and move on!!! I know it's easier said than done but if I did it before, surely God can do the same through you if YOU let Him.

John's father owns a very successful produce company; he’s a great giver and loves the ladies. Did you recognize a spirit between John and his dad? Hope you did. Over the past 4 years, we have only met maybe 4 or 5 times to have lunch because he lives in another state. So we’ve built an amazing telephone and cyber relationship lol. But contrary to what the world thinks, a relationship can experience true intimacy outside of sex. John knows me well and we both know when to back off each other and when we just need to pray. He even knows when it's that time of the month and all I want him to do is shut up and listen to me scream on the phone.Sounds like the perfect guy huh? Yeah I know. But keep reading because I'm about to take you somewhere.

John knows that I take my spiritual life seriously. He’s never disrespected me but throughout the years, he has created an image of a Christian through me.If he curses on the phone, he apologizes because he knows I don't curse.Now remember I mentioned earlier that being a woman can become a burden if we're not careful.Somehow I've allowed my heart to overpower my emotions knowing that I cannot get what my flesh wants.So last month we both fasted from the telephone so I can stay focus on my journey. This is about saving my soul. I recognized that I started to fall in love with the thought of being in love again. So what's wrong with that? Nothing. It's a problem when our emotions get entangled with the WRONG person at the WRONG time. I refuse to make myself believe a lie that we can be more than just friends (humming “We can’t be friends” by Deborah Cox). As believers, we must stop negotiating with the devil. The word of God is here to protect us. God promises that if we wait on Him, seek his kingdom first, he will give us everything that we need—which includes a spouse.

But if we say as women that a man will respect us and then do things contrary to our words-that’s called hypocrisy. Last year while on the phone, John said that Christian girls are so
fake.I asked him to explain. He began to share with me of how he got a Christian girl who was involved in ministry to fornicate. First of all, I called him out. But he made me see the problem. He said the girl told him she was saving herself for marriage but always wanted to “chill out” with him knowing he loves sex. So of course, he took her out a lot and next thing he knew, one night home girl was screaming his name. OMG!!! I told him he was a dog and he was going to hell for that. But was it really his fault? Ladies please set a standard and let’s not put ourselves in positions that will cause us to fall. The enemy is out to steal, kill and destroy 24 hours a day!

I love my soul too much and had too many heart breaks. God has done an awesome job healing my broken heart over the years. John said that I need to keep my emotions in check because he is not the one for me. In a world where everyone is having sex, I am the only friend he has that lives what she reads.To John, I’m literally a saint. Why? I get so pissed when he calls me Mother Teresa because I’m saving myself for marriage & not dating guys for fun. These last few words brought tears to my eyes. John said that as long as he lives and has hormones, he will not come near me because he’s a man that is now physically attracted to me. He does not want to be responsible for getting me pregnant and not fulfilling purpose. John said that I am marriage material and nothing less. I was quiet for at least 5 minutes.I am so blessed because God placed a man in my life that loves my soul more than my body. God has showed him a glimpse of how powerful I AM even though I haven’t seen it yet. So what’s my point you ask? Don’t live and make major life decisions based on your emotions. Emotions will get you in trouble especially if you’re a woman. Do not follow your flesh. Instead hold your head up, set standards and ACT like a Proverbs 31 woman and wait for your king? So choose you this day who YOU will serve.

Self Image

Today we live in a society where image and reputation is everything. From the way we look down to the house we live in, the car we drive and or even clothing labels. Growing up as a teenager in a home with love and from my family, I still struggled with my self image.

Now when I looked up the word self image in the Webster's dictionary, it is defined as one's own idea or self perception".Things can be perceived in so many ways. If I were to ask three students in a classroom to describe a picture painted by Michelangelo, I would get different adjectives.Would any of them be wrong? No. Why? Because they described to me what they saw.What I am trying to say is that we all perceive things differently.

My mom never gave me the perception that my self image was a problem. She always taught me that how I perceived myself is important.But the question is why did I feel as though my physical shape was all wrong? I often thought to myself why my friends had longer hair than I did, or how come the other girls hips were much bigger than mine or how come I was the shortest in the neighborhood? This was how I saw myself.I thought the way I was born was all a mistake.It even got to the point where I would starve myself and attempted to commit suicide so I could escape my mind.There were other factors that came into play with my self-image.

     I admired artists like Brandy, Tamia, and Beyonce. The way they dressed and how men would just lust after them. I remember my mother taking me to the salon to change my hair-style every 2 weeks and buy me new clothes when she could.To be honest after all that,I still felt something wasn't right with me.That feeling that I had was all because it was not about my physical structure, but all internal.Trying to look like a celebrity and adding weave to my hair was becoming exhausting and costly.

     Years later, I came to know someone who would help me see that there was no mistake in the way I looked.His name is Jesus.The scripture that I can first remember and never forget is Genesis 1:27-
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of GOD he created Him;male and female he created them". If God made me in his image then that means that I resemble him in a realm that I can't see. From the various science books of the theorists and their opinions and how this world was created, they all concur that God is an artist whose personality is mysterious.

     Basically as I take this time to encourage myself and have a panoramic view of what I should look like, I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and point out all those areas you don't like and ask why.While looking, you should also realize unless you're a twin (whom by the way has differences), you are a designer's ORIGINAL.There is no one who looks like you or can be you, other than you.So what if I don't have round hips like Beyonce, long hair like Ashanti or legs like Tyra Banks, that's not the image I was meant to have.Learn to wake up daily and love on yourself. Tell yourself daily no one looks like me,I am righteous,loveable,wonderful and I AM a designer's ORIGINAL.

Then I noticed as I started to accept the image I was created in and began placing a higher value on  knowing who I belonged to, people started seeing me differently as well. People around me saw me as this flawless beautiful woman inspite of what I thought was wrong at the time.God's desire is that we see what He sees.

Because no matter how much surgery you have,tattoos or breast implants you have,YOU have to realize that your image must change inside first so you could be at ease with how you were made. YOU ARE NO MISTAKE!!!!

What If?

As I sit and think about past fears,I begin to bask in the wonders and awesomeness of my God. I remember the first time that I relocated from the Bahamas to the United States after 20 years. The decision came as a result of wanting a better life than the one I had left behind and pursue my career. Of course the only thing that ran through my mind as the plane lifted off the ground was "what if this is not right?" Forty-five minutes later, the plane landed and home was no longer in sight.I left a place where everyone I knew that loved me was there,family friends, my job, transferred out of college, sold my car and every possession that my mother gave me after her death.

 

     The outcome of re-developing a relationship with a man I had not seen in 13 years was scary. Sitting in the waiting area of Miami International Airport, adrenaline rushed through my body as a man approached me.Right away I wanted to scream and run away,but he looked into my eyes with a look of happiness and smiled and said, "hi coo coo". Coo coo is the name my mother said he called me when I was an infant.I felt like I knew him from somewhere.This man was my biological father.I was embraced in his home with my step-family.We had so many challenges along the way, but 2 and 1/2 years later,we have become the best of friends.

     I said that all to say had I dwelled on the thought of "what if", my I would have never reconciled with my father.Was this my idea....not really. For all I knew he had other children and I didn't need him after I became an adult. It was all apart of God's plan and purpose for my life. I have also been re-born again into the Kingdom of God and I will never turn back. Like me, you probably have thoughts that go through your minds that start with a...what if......?

What if my family doesn't forgive me for leaving?

What if my boyfriend leaves me?

What if I get persecuted for my belief in Jesus Christ?

What if I get fired and I have no way of paying my bills?

What if I tell the truth and they don't believe me?

What if I fall in love again and get abused again?

What if this is not the best school God wanted me to attend?

What if this is not the person God told me to marry?............... and the list goes on and on.

By stepping out on faith and just trusting God,I guarantee you that you would begin to decrease the amount of time you dwell on the unknown. The bible tells us that' without faith it is impossible to please God '. I am a living witness that when you stop the 'what ifs' and just begin to move on that voice that dwells in you...all will begin to fall right into place. So no longer as a Christian do I ask so many 'what if'.But now I come against that spirit of fear. Doubt is a lack of trust. Fear is a lack of Faith.Faith co-exists with trust.They are inseparable. My friends,live life as if it were your last day knowing that you stepped out boldly, followed that voice and at the end of the day accomplished what you believed!!

When the 'what ifs' come into your mind..combat it with the word.Repeat stuff like,God has my back and He told me He will never leave me nor forsake me. I have learned the only thing Satan responds to and run away from is truth.The truth is the word of God.

Now I can say that leaving home for an estranged land, following Christ, loving people even when they don't understand me was all apart of God's plans for me.

Who am I? I am...

A child of God (Romans 8:16)

Redeemed from the hand of the enemy (Psalms 107:2)

Forgiven (Colossians 1:13-14)

Saved by grace through faith (Ephes 2:8)

Justified (Romans 5:1)

A new creature (2 Corin 5:17)

Partaker of His divine nature (2 Peter 1:4)

Redeemed from the curse of the law (Galatians 3:13)

Delivered from the powers of darkness (Colossians 1:13)

Led by the spirit  of God (Romans 8:14)

A  son (daughter) of God (Romans 8:14)

Kept in safety wherever I go (Psalms 91:11)

Getting all my needs met by Jesus (Philippians 4:19)

Casting all my cares on Jesus (1 Peter 5:7)

Strong in the Lord and in the power of His might (Ephesians 6:10)

Doing all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13)

An heir of God and a joint heir with Jesus (Romans 8:17)

Heir to the blessings of Abraham (Galat 3:13-14)

Observing and doing the Lord's commandments (Deuteronomy 28:12)

Blessed coming in and blessed going out (Deut.28:6)

Healed by His stripes (1 Peter 2:24)

Above only and not beneath (deut.28:13)

More than a conqueror (Romans 8:37)

Establishing my authority over the enemy (Luke 10:19)

An overcomer by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony (Rev 12:11)

Daily overcoming the devil (1 John 4:4)

Not moved by what I see (2 Cor 4:18)

Walking by faith and not by sight ( 2 Cor 5:7)

Casting down vain imaginations (2 Corin 10:4-5)

Bringing every thought into captivity (2 Corin 10:5)

Being transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:1-2)

A laborer together with God (1 Cor 3:9)

The righteousness of God in Christ ( 2 Cor 5:21)

An imitator of Jesus (Eph 5:1)

The light of the world (Matt 5:14)

Blessing the Lord at all times and continually praising the Lord with my mouth (Psalm 34:1)

Allow no one and nothing to define who you are in life. God is your creator and He is the only one that determines your purpose based on who you are and how you were made. I pray that you seek purpose and counteract negativity with these confesions. If you don't know where to start, please feel free to send me an email at lornekajoseph@gmail.com.