LONELINESS-STATE OF MIND OR FEELING?

We live in a world where success,happiness and love are defined by what we possess.I agree that yes,the amount of things we possess may be perceived as a level of success, but in whose eyes do we consider what true success looks like?

Like a chameleon,our lives are meant to go through transition no matter who we are.
If you're life is not changing then begin to ask yourself is it you or are you fighting nature and its purpose for your life? As for myself, this statement is a part of who I am now becoming as a young lady.

One of the things I have been challenged with and meditated on recently is why in the midst of a crowd,family,and even a soul mate,we still tend to feel a sense of loneliness? Loneliness is defined as being without company.Okay,so if this is the definition then why when in the presence of company we still feel lonely? This experience can be so painful that in some cases result in suicide.I am convinced that by following the word of God it can get you two things- the result you want or the result GOD wants. If you are a Christian,what God wants should be our utmost desire.

Growing up in a home where loved one were always around,I still often isolated myself. I know you're probably asking why I did this.Well I have been trying to figure that out myself.Even now living and experiencing college life,I still isolate myself when the activities or people don't interest me.I realized that I have not found like-minded people so I started to..well..get lonely.
Of course I got frustrated but who was I frustrated with? At myself or at God?As a result it brought me to the place of asking myself why am I feeling lonely now more than ever at this point in my life?

The reason I say this point is because there is so much I am grateful for and have accomplished at 24 years of age,motherless,single,a new college student at one of the top black schools and a foreigner in a strange land. Don't get me wrong I have people that I talk to and hang out with,but they don't keep me happy all the time.

I was sitting in a dark room,quiet,still and eyes filled with tears I asked again,"why am I lonely in this new place?" I know that I am friendly, but that was not it.After a few minutes, the response given was that I feel lonely but really I am not??!!! Yeah, going back to what I previously mentioned about whose eyes was happiness defined in. Well apparently I was drawn back to the word of God that says in Deut 30 verse 6," DO NOT BE AFRAID OR DISCOURAGED, FOR THE LORD GOES WITH YOU;HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU."

God is the only one who does not lie to us. So if He has not forsaken me then that means not only is He always around me,but I should never feel lonely.Which brings me to my next question. Are we as human beings lonely because we desire to be with someone or are we just really empty and have no understanding of contentment internally? This was where I found myself. Basically my instructions were to be still,wait, allow Him to fill me with love and believe that my niche of people were being prepared for me.

Another reason we get lonely is that we go out and seek people and things that God did not desire for our lives.These people then become influential especially while we're vulnerable.That statement really got me.Now, to combat that loneliness is a state of mind and not a feeling,I am learning how to spend time alone,enjoy my own company and be joyful.While waiting to be surrounded by God's chosen people for my life,I am letting God show me how to be content in every state.

LONELINESS IS A STATE OF MIND AND NOT A FEELING.

So if you're like me or millions of people around the world, there is nothing or no one that can truly make you happy.According to the word of God there is no money, material or person that can provide true happiness.Which means that we must be groomed into becoming confident.In diagnosis of this plaguing disease called "feeling lonely and depressed", the only prescription that will cure this problem is getting to know Jesus. He works in conjunction with God and the Holy spirit who resides in you.But to get to them,you must first ask them to come into your life and fix what's wrong and then you can be healed!!

Please feel free to leave comments or send questions to ladylorneka@gmail.com

Crown of diamonds or crown of development

Hello everyone.It’s been a long time since I blogged but I’m back. I’ve been in what I call a training course that I will never forget.This training course is called Miss Bahamas World. I was chosen as a contestant mid-March and my life has never been the same.

As a little girl growing up in Nassau, during the month of August, I was fixated at the bottom of the TV waiting for the Miss Bahamas Beauty pageant to come on. No one knew that I envisioned myself being on that stage one day when I got older. That came to pass for me this Sunday June 29^th, 2008 at Wyndham Resort in Nassau, Bahamas.Not only did I walk across the stage but I was transformed into a confidant and more vibrant young woman.

This 4 month-course was not easy. My family members could not understand how at this point in my life of completing my first degree that I wanted to enter a beauty pageant.They did not fully support me but that did not stop me.This required flights every weekend to Nassau to attend meetings,events for four months and ridicule for being a Christian taking pictures in a 2-piece bathing suit.Boy did I go through.I had no assurance that I was going to win but all I knew was that my dream door opened and I was ready to enjoy the show.

I visited the pageant’s weekly because I saw how it changed and groomed a former co-worker into a vivacious, beautiful Bahamian woman. Her name is Anya Watkins- Miss Bahamas World 2007. Michelle Malcolm, a former reported at our local station in the Bahamas called ZNS is the driving force behind this amazing organization.There were other pageant experts on the team such as former athlete and title holder Leslia Miller, Pia Glover-Rolle, Shervaughn Bain, Jerome Sawyer and more.

They all took the time to ensure that we got all we needed in preparation to become a queen for a year. Crown or not, I can truly say that Ms.Malcolm has been called as a woman to transform the lives of young women in a special and unique way. So this post is my thanks to her and the Miss Bahamas World team.

I also got to meet young women ages 18-23 from all walks of life from around the Bahamas. We were able to put our differences aside and submit ourselves to a God-given process. As a result, relationships were formed. 

Now granted we probably will not see each other every day. But I can say that I can call on my friend Sharanna to host a seminar with Dr.Myles Munroe; vacation in Harbor Island thanks to Miss Harbor Island Paris Knowles; work with special children alongside Miss Grand Bahamas Kerel and just have a good time with Chase, Philippa and Chrystal Bethel and I love you ladies.                                               

I am now closer to discovering who I am in God.Was it nerve wrecking to have 7 judges watch me walk across a theater stage and smiled until my face to see if I was fit to be a queen? Yes it was!

Being a Christian, you don’t always get to work with people like yourself. Most importantly I learned how to be myself in the midst of a competition.The tearful moment for me came when I was chosen for a spirit award from Puerto Rico’s Critical Beauty judge Hector Joaquin. I was titled the new Miss Critical Beauty World 2008 and got the best smile award.This was award was for the young lady who exemplified a great spirit throughout the pageant experience. I was very surprised but yet grateful for such recognition. This award came from above and no one can take it away from me.

So I congratulate the new queen Tennyse Johnson. There were arguments of who did not get certain awards but I have come to realize in the world of pageantry or not, whatever happens-God allowed it. As a former contestant, it is not up to me to start bashing another woman for her victory.I believe that we should all rally behind our new queen because the world has already begun falling in love with her. So who are we as a country to say that she cannot represent The Bahamas?

So to my fellow Bahamians around the world, what is done, is done. Like I shared with the other contestants, this experience should be the beginning of a new chapter for all of us. We cannot throw away four months of transformation and call it a horrible experience just because things did not go our way. Our crowns of diamonds do not come from the stage. It comes from how we handle unfavorable situations in life when no one looking.

I have much to be grateful for

Saturday past makes 26 years that I've been enjoying the breath of life. I truly am glad that I am alive in the midst of my challenges, struggles and my enemies. My enemies remind me of the value my life has. My challenges remind me that there is something in me worth trying to prove wrong. My struggles remind me that there is great purpose and the struggle keeps that in check.

A good friend of mine sent me a link to a video on the Internet's largest preview channel. you guessed it, YouTube. It is a 20minute long video displaying the convicted hearts of people that are now grateful, grace-bound brothers and sisters frm slightly different walks of life.

I don't have their stories to tell as my own. I have my own story which no one can tell for me. But this is powerful.

Take the opportunity to watch this video all the way through. The sincerity of heart that is shown in this video should at the very least spark some gratefulness on your own part.

HAVING COMPASSION

Tonight is one of those nights that I am feeling a way I haven't felt in a long time. That feeling of being so sensitive to the presence of God. I dont mean that feeling you have after sunday at church all hyped for a few hours. Tonight I was broken at work for a few minutes. I work as pharmacy technician and I got a customer who came to refill her medication and she wanted me to see what was wrong with her glucose machine. So I checked it, but the problem could not be fixed by neither of the employees nor the manager.so I called the glucose machine's manufacturer. I called and unfortunately enough the representative was not able to do anything so she asked me have the patient mail the machine to the company and they would send her another one at no cost.
I forgot to say that not only was the customer an elderly person, but she was Haitian, which i can identify with,being that I my family are descendants from Haiti. That moment, somehow I went from being busy in the work place to sitting down with her and explaining to her what needed to be done. Of course , it was too complicating and she had no clue as to what to do to. Here is where the spirit stepped in!!!!!!
Not pre-thinking like I usually do to see if I could help, I volunteered to ensure that she gets her machine mailed to her house and visit her home to check on her. I stepped back into the pharmacy to cash up her medication for her and as I was overlooking the register I saw this "fragile woman" posture herself in a position as if she were crying. WHAT WAS WRONG? Nothing!!!!!! It was only a woman so grateful and praising GOD because in all her years of living in United States no one stranger had for her the way I did for that moment. Family is not something she really has because her only child lives in Canada and an agent comes to see her and thats it.
If that's not overwhelming, what else is? It is so true that we are once a man and then twice a child. I briefly saw her as my own grandmother who passed and could not even walk with without her chest pains because of a disease called COPD. So after the night ended at work I came home and thought about this "fragile woman" and how I helped her. The point I am trying to make is that had I not been sensitive to the holy spirit, someone else in this cold world would have gone home into depression. BUT tonight through me, GOD OFFERED A HAND AND SOME HOPE TO THIS LADY. So i just wanna thank God for using me at work...and get this...it was no scripture reading or preaching...but just a demonstration of who CHRIST WAS AND IS...
No matter who you are in this world we all need someone to help us along the way. So my prayer tonight is that even though I am born again of the spirit there are times when I get out of character and Christ is not seen. I dont want to be so caught up in my life that I forget the reason my life was changed..which is to be my brothers' keeper...
All people want is for someone to show some type of concern and I am richly blessed with people who care for me, so why not THANK GOD by returning that care to a dying world????????

Strangers in my house

When we get a call from our family and friends that they are coming over, we usually get prepared for their arrival by either cleaning up the house, cooking a meal or even purchase some new furniture so they would be comfortable.But there are times you and I both know where we would have them come over unannounced and we're surprised because they did not give us heads up they were coming over. Even strangers do the same thing. Well, what I have noticed is that not in only in my physical house do I have unannounced guests, but in My body there are some strangers that are residing and did not even ask for permission.

I don't know about you but I like to be called when having guests. Lately I have been so busy and consumed with unnecessary things that I have not realized the way I have been speaking and acting is because strangers- which I recognize as spirits have entered my body, soul and mind that there is an effect. I know that God lives within everyone who knows him personally and nothing can harm them because when a person gives their life over to JESUS, you are covered on every angle. But there comes a time when we open the doors to foreign bacteria. One of my desires is to become a registered pharmacist and I believe that I can do it. But lately I have been entertaining a stranger called FEAR. Right now I don't see the finances to pay for school, so I have allowed the fact that people have told me they have so many loans, even the fact that I don't like loans and also because next year is near and I don't have all I need. So what do you think began to happen? I started to doubt myself at work, ask others how hard is it and question God on if He even wants me to do this?
I know he does and all of a sudden I let the opinions of myself and man alter my dream with their words. Although we write them on paper and type them on a key board, those little things we call letters, put together to make up words,are so powerful that when spoken and thought of create situations for us.

So I sat down after a long day at school and began to re-programme my mind with some truth. What is that truth you ask? That TRUTH is what God said in his word about me. Such as I am the head, not the tail, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and that HE has not given me a spirit of fear, BUT of love and a sound mind. So as I began to speak these things to myself 3 days in a row, guess who got kicked out of my house( body)-FEAR!!! It was no longer welcome and it was time for it to leave and surely it did. Every now and again it tries to sneak through my door, but I dont let it in to stay no more.But I had to breakdown and do some re-structuring of my words and actions for this to occur.

As aforementioned, some stranger(s)came over unannounced. So that was not the only stranger who came along.There was another stranger by the name of LOW SELF ESTEEM. The reason I call them strangers is because when someone comes to know light like I did, all things which are not like CHRIST is an enemy and must go!!!!
Recently I came off of a fast for a week and I wanted for my eyes to be opened to the things I do that destroys my character as a young lady. One of those things was the fact that I tried so much to please people even when I knew it was wrong- which revealed my lack of trust in GOD.I would tend to please and do things for people as to not make them upset and cease confusion, but the inner voice said to STOP IT!!!!!
God has not called you nor I to please anyone but HIM. Now don't misunderstand me, we must do our best to love one another.But If I please Him first then I will automatically please everyone else in my life. I had it all confused. So here again I had to do some re-programming in my mind just like a computer and add some new software that would kick out this stranger called LOW SELF ESTEEM. As long as we are living on this earth we cannot please everyone, especially if we are followers of CHRIST. The bible tells us that to love God we must hate evil- the way the world wants me to live. You see, the world wants you and I to stress ourselves out,get weary inside and out once we please the other party,in the end- we are unhappy by what we did. I no longer care to please people because I hurt not only myself but GOD in the end. And just think about it for a minute when I always wanted to please people, they never asked how I felt or questioned my actions- they just wanted what they wanted at the time.
After it is all said and done,these very same people forgot about me in the long run. Don't let this happen to you.

I dont know who has entered your house unannounced and has been residing there without permission. It might be poverty, lust,lies,jealousy, pain,anger, sickness or even an addiction that is taking over your life. Whatever it is find a way to get some new software(the word of God), begin to re-programme your mind on it and GET IT KICKED IMMEDIATELY. Remember things unlike God is an enemy and a stranger to you and I.
If you dont know how or where to find new software to begin re-programming your mind, you can email me at ladylorneka@gmail.com or send me a message on my blog page ladylorneka.blogspot.com and I will help you write some evictions notices to those unwanted residents in your home- which is your body!!!!

To get there,I must go through

As I sit and begin to think about my walk as a believer, there was never a time that I could say that I did not have trials.From losing loved ones,migrating to a foreign country and finding out who I really was in God were all challenging.I have encountered some holes but it was not meant for me to remain in those holes.I know that nothing great is ever accomplished without a few challenges along the way. Sometimes you probably feel the same way and ask why do I have to go through certain things?

I am reminded that when I gave my life over to God, that meant that He can do whatever He wants because I could not run my life any more.Literally, that means that I, Lorneka,can no longer call the shots and I must deny all my rights.To my amazement, I didn't know how or when this was going to happen, but let me tell you that its taking place at great extents.

Don't get me wrong I am not saying that God only gives me seasons of pain and trials, there have been many days of spring.But first,He had to bring to the end of myself.Last night as I was getting ready for bed,this analogy came to me.When we become Christians and confess our sins,its like you had a key to a door, it only was able to fit when you forced it to work and that was only for a short period of time that it stayed open. From time to time I would take the key and make it work when I wanted to,but God is saying to let Him hold the key and let Him open it when He wants to,the way He wants and how He wants to.Also when He opens it no man or woman can close it. Now that I have given him access and the password to my life which is JESUS- there is no more manipulation and life is grand!!!!

I am to the point in my life where I have to encourage myself constantly in order to remain strong in the Lord. Is it a fight? Yes it is, but I AM victorious.Let us remember that before Jesus was called to the cross he endured some disturbing things.But like Him,I don't want a few bumps to stop me from where I am going. Whatever tests you're going through,know that "everything is working out all for your good." As we speak, God is using his key to allow my family to not understand me and what I believe;He is allowing people to lie on me and to not defend myself;tasks on my job to becoming complex to see what I will do. In doing so,He is waiting to see if I will quit or believe his word for my life.I already know where I want to go but He knows the right paths.

To get there, I must go through. Where is there?
1) For me, there is..to become a radical woman of God, I must go through as a Christian.
2) To minister and disciple others, I must first be discipled and mentored by someone who knows how to disciple and take correction when necessary.
3) To get to pharmacy school and become a pharmacist, I must go through on my job as a technician and carry out someone else's vision.
4) To become a wife, I must be challenged and proven in relationships with loyalty, trust,dedication and be able to submit to all my authorities NOW.
5) To get to the place where the opinions of men don't matter,He will first has cause people to use and abuse me and see how I handle it.
6) To become a wealth,He must first see how I can budget a monthly salary,decipher between needs and wants or when sacrifice is needed.
7) To become a leader, I must be able to first take some pressure from others(which I am experiencing now), stand up for others, get lied on, help others when it's not convenient for me and even do the word of God even when it does not make any sense.For the bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 1:27"But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;...."

So whatever God has you going through now,you and I need to realize its not a hop and skip away.There is a process we all must go through.I live and dwell on the fact that my life is no longer mine and I must say YES to His will even when it hurts. .

So if you have given Him the key and keep taking it back because you don't like the way things are going, give it back and tell Him right now "NEVERTHELESS, NOT MY WILL BE DONE, BUT YOUR WILL."(luke 22:42). All He wants is a yes from you and I.I have decided to say yes now what about you?

Please feel free to leave comments or email your questions to ladylorneka@gmail.com

Thanksgiving day

When we think of thanksgiving day we envision ourselves sitting in front of the dinner table with a large turkey,loved ones and for us women- shopping sprees.For me I didn't even want anyone near my mother because I waited for her to give me the right leg of the turkey.That's how much I love turkey.I no longer wait for the 4th sunday or 25th of November to celebrate Thanksgiving day.

August 15th 1984,a woman by the name of Lorette gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Now before this came into a reality, I must give you a background of the forces that came against this life. First of all,this young unwed mother was only 17 years old,just graduated from high school and the man she dated was twice her age.To her dismay while being away from home, she was offered a scholarship to attend any college in the U.S. of her choice to obtain her bachelors degree.Which meant that this woman had to make a choice- free education or become a young mother.

ThIS woman chose to have the child and turned down the scholarship.I know people told her, and maybe even you who are reading this are saying she was crazy for not taking the scholarship and have the baby.If that woman decided to take the scholarship I would NOT have been here breathing today.The pressure was so intense especially from loved ones that she was going to have an abortion, but something in her said NO.That something I believe was God.There even came a point where the house my mom lived in caught on fire and she was sound asleep.This incident happened on two different occasions.So there was purpose behind what happened.What the devil meant for evil was turned around for my good.

So waiting for November to come to be thankful is too long. As I celebrated my 23rd birthday on yesterday I woke up all cried out because I remembered where I came from and my family's struggle. Sometimes we believe that we need to receive big things in life to be thankful, but if we are grateful in the little things and begin to tell God how grateful we are, then He will bless us with the big things. The bible tell us in Psalms 100 that we should"enter His gates with thanksgiving and enter His courts with praise and bless His name for the Lord is good.....". This is being not only thankful for some things but IN and for all things.

There are days when I feel that my life is jacked up,but when I calm down and collect myself, I realize that my blessings outweigh the bad.I thank God for the gift of the Holy Spirit who comes to bring conviction and bring my mind subject to God's will. And His will is for me is to appreciate all I have been through.I don't have a Christmas list ,but I do have a thanksgiving list.

I am so thankful:

1.That my mother did not have an abortion and that she sacrificed her future for me.

2.I no longer to go to bed hungry because I can work and support myself.

3.I live in a home with no rent and don't have to lie to the landlord because there was no way for my family to pay the rent.

4.That I was only molested because I could have been raped.This was heavy for me to type.

5.I have clothes and shoes in my closet compared to the three pairs I had growing up.

6.I dont have to borrow money to purchase my mother's medicine

7.I am not dating men who that use and abuses me anymore.

8.I broke the curse of having bastard kids in my family prior to marriage.

9.My college tuition is paid for and I have a chance to advance myself.

10.I have a car instead of standing on the bus stop, few months ago getting wet by cars in the pouring rain waiting for the next bus.

11.I have full use of all my limbs and I am not hospitalized

12.I dont have a sexually transmitted disease or dying of AIDS.

13.That God extended His grace toward me and keeps giving me another chance at life!!!

The list could go on and on.I encourage you to create your own list.No matter how dim your situation may be right now,I am guaranteed that there is something that you can be grateful for right now.I do act foolish and complain about what I dont have,but tonight I realize I have so much. It is only in being grateful for the little things that I am now seeing blessings are reigning down.Wanna see a change in your attitude and atmosphere? Then be grateful everyday for just one thing and watch God elevate you.