The BIG question - where is "Mr.Biggs"?

"Girl,Lorneka why are you still single? You're pretty,smart,you can pray and you have your doctorate.It cannot be that bad for you to find a man." Do you like women?

The details may be different but some of you believe that marriage is the ultimate satisfaction in life but it's NOT! This year I celebrated 10 years being single & celibate and it's been a great journey "finding me." There have been ups and downs but I'd be hear all day describing what it feels like to finally have confidence and self-esteem in who God called me to BE.

There are a lot of beautiful-intelligent-women rocking red bottoms and beat-faces struggling with low self-esteem.I too was challenged with that spirit but only continual deliverance changed my soul.Yes,I'm grateful for my academic success and other accomplishments but I came to understand that success was not supposed to be my identity. Christ alone is my identity.

We are bombarded with voices from the media,society,family,experts and even the church about finding a soul mate.If you're single,divorced or in a complicated relationship wondering when is your BIG proposal,it's time to relax.You and I should not be anxious or freaking out about anything (money,love,success,fame,kids,promotion,etc).Anxiety causes us to make crazy decisions that can take years to fix.

The bible states in the book of Philippians 4:6-7 (MSG), "Don't fret or worry.Instead of worrying,pray.Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers,letting God know your concerns." So if your heart is troubled about marriage or finding the right one,ask yourself what is the root of your anxiety.

But "Dr.Lorneka you don't understand." Actually I do.I know what it feels like to be in love with a man you thought was your husband.I know what it feels like to meet a man in ministry only to find out that the timing was off.I also allowed my exes to feel over my body but sexual intimacy outside of marriage is still wrong in God's eyes.A real man would never touch,feel or seduce a woman into having sex without walking her down the aisle.

If you don't have a relationship with God,you will constantly be troubled in your heart about what other people think you should be doing.As a believer,God called me to fulfill His purpose first.Purpose and true joy doesn't show up after the ring.It should manifest before the ring.Don't let singleness hinder your development and cause you to doubt God or wallow in sadness,envy or jealousy.Okay,so you've stood in few weddings (27 maybe LOL) but if you haven't fully surrendered your heart to the ONE who knows where and who your spouse is,then why do you think it's time to get married?

Too many of us spend hours following,scrolling and watching others that God can't even get our attention.After all the break-ups and temporary-highs,I needed something more than a few words and dinner.I needed a SAVIOR.In the words of Kelly Price, "I need healing for my soul." Thus began my journey of celibacy.Like you,I have fallen short not just in my actions but also in my mind lusting after someone who is not my husband.At 30 years old,I am at the place where I no longer let loved ones or society tell me my life sucks because I'm not dating or having sex.

My soul costs too much for me to be letting any Tom or Jason take me on a test drive or spend the night.The more we give ourselves away to random men and not to Christ,the emptier we will be when we finally encounter our future-spouses.Christ died on the cross for you and I to have life and have it more abundantly? That abundance includes self-worth,joy and peace.

On the other hand,waiting on God for a spouse doesn't mean being socially inactive as well (preaching to myself).We can socialize with others without compromise.Surround yourself with like-minded people who believe in love.The bible states that we are in the world but we are not of this world.This means that though we live here,there should be a distinct difference in our behavior compared to someone who doesn't acknowledge Christ.For example,it's not okay to be cursing, twerking,gossiping or fornicating just because it's popular.Every sin has a consequence.

I used to watch a show called "Sex & the city" where the character Carrie Bradshaw played by Sarah Jessica Parker sat by her window nightly writing letters,smoking and wondering WHEN she would find true love.Your Mr.Biggs will appear in due season ladies if you believe first in your spirit.Enjoy this season while you can with your girlfriends,family & don't wait until marriage to live a fabulous life.Join a church,take trips,improve your finances,go through counseling for those deep hurts,start a business if it's God's will for you but keep moving FORWARD sisters.

Additionally,make sure you are a living example of what you expect in a mate.Are you honest, compassionate,disciplined with money,prayer and fasting? Are you a people-pleaser or does God come second? Can you say no to sex? Do you truly celebrate others or does your ego aka pride talk most of the time? Also, make sure you are not making your BIG day (job,boyfriend,image,sex,title) an idol in your heart.I'm not talking about a Buddha doll.An idol simply put is anything that takes up more space in your heart and mind more than God.

Until we become content in every state and allow God to heal our ugliness and open-wounds,waiting will become exhausting when it shouldn't be.Singleness is also the time where soul ties need to be broken.You can't expect to meet your future while you and your ex play around when you're horny. It's time to show God you mean business.I truly believe that as I execute my purpose,God will cause my future-spouse and I to meet.Hence,my sense of peace.

So the next time someone asks you why are you still single,when are you having kids or where is your "Mr.Biggs",answer with confidence that God is processing you and you are content with where you are right now because this season is just temporary.

Cheers to being single,celibate & fabulous!

Relationship status:It's NOT complicated

During the holiday season,there are single men and women around the world feeling lonely, disappointed,embarrassed and even bitter about enjoying festivities.That holiday invitation from your job and married-friends is still pending.Now some of you may be thinking that you have the right to feel the way you do but I am here to help shift your thinking.

It's been almost a decade since I re-dedicated my life back to the Lord and it has been a beautiful experience.Ten years ago,I became sick and tired of being---sick and tired.Not only did I lose my mother and grandmother in the space of two years but I was terribly broken,confused and depressed from a relationship with my ex-boyfriend.

I was so hopeless that thoughts of suicide plagued my mind every week.You see,I grew tired from chasing perfection in school,pleasing people around me and still feeling unloved.These are a few signs of people who deal with a spirit of rejection which shall be another post.But growing up,I had no identity and when things did not go my way,I threw terrible tantrums.Such was the case when I first sat my board exam last year.This was painful because failures made me feel inadequate but I now know that there are no failures in God.And as my mentor would often say,"God reveals what He wants to heal." The bible states in Proverbs 19:21, "You can make many plans, but the LORD's purpose will prevail."

I will share further details later on why that season served purpose in my life.If you're like me,you receive countless questions about why you're still single.For a few months,I struggled with this but I soon realized that God was and is protecting me.The fact that I am single is not because I hate men, but because I NOW recognize my worth as a woman.Christ opened my eyes and showed me my true value in Him.When we enter relationships knowing that the person we're involved with emotionally and sexually is not good for us,we are creating soul-ties that become hard to break.

In addition to recognizing my worth,my desires in a man changed.As a teenager,I was concerned with marrying a tall,rich and handsome man but now I am more concerned with the spiritual needs.I am sure God will give me the aforementioned desires however,meeting a God-fearing man who knows who his purpose and identity is more important to me.I dated a spiritual man but we fell in love prematurely and he walked away from me.Fortunately,we're much happier as friends.So not only should we look for God's best in a mate,we must pray and seek God concerning the season.

So friends,don't spend another minute crying over the last relationship or locking yourself up in your bedroom because no one has asked you out.Being single is also a time of celebration because there is so much you can accomplish with God on your side.It's funny at times because I remember returning home for Christmas and as soon as I walked in the door and kissed my paternal grandmother,she asked me if I liked women.I knew her heart because she loves kids and felt that at 25,I should have been married but that didn't happen.So don't allow family and friends to upset you because you'll be attending dinner alone.Be confident that God makes no mistake and kindly let them know that you are content for where you are in life.Declare today that everything is working out for your good.But if you are not confident in your response,then you need to ask yourself why.Your status is not complicated unless YOU are complicated.

Make the decision to believe the best about your life.Things didn't work out the way you planned but God has something better in store for you but you must ENDURE this season.Make up in your mind that your marriage will be beautiful because you waited on God.Quit chasing someone who doesn't make time for you and love yourself first.Maximize this season.Go back to school;start your own business if it's God will for you;travel with friends or help improve the world through your gifts and talents.And who knows,while you are out celebrating being single and fabulous,you just may encounter the right person for YOU!

Single,Saved & Horny!!!!

Seriously, its 9:30 and Derek said he was going to come pick me up at 8 o’clock so we can eat before the movie starts and he still is not here. I can’t stand when he makes me put on his favorite red dress and doesn’t even call to apologize. Does this scenario sound familiar? For many of us, it does. To make matters worse, if you were sexually active prior to accepting Christ, your hormones didn’t go away. It seems as if your urges increases, being saved. Welcome to I’m single, saved and horny boulevard.

Sex has been a taboo in many churches for years and if you were not married, then you definitely were frowned upon asking sex-related questions. The problem I have with this continual cycle is that, how can one wait for marriage and date in a world where sex is displayed everywhere. Well, I am not here to tell you to stay away from the opposite sex, keep your T.V. off or pray 24 hours in your house. This is neither practical nor biblical.

Being saved should not exclude you from being able to express your sexuality, but expressing it in God’s way with your spouse- in time, is God’s desire. The word of God is replete with scriptures and stories as to why we should FLEE not play, with sexual immorality. I first want you to accept that it is normal for a Christian to get horny now and again. However, acting on the urges out of marriage is wrong.

After getting saved, there were things needed to be put in place so that I would not walk defeated as a young, single woman. Prayer is the beginning of controlling sexual desires. But another part of our walk with Christ should be about setting boundaries. If you know that every time your ex calls to say hi; you wear a certain outfit with your best friend or when you watch certain T.V. shows- you get horny, then you need to make changes.

I know it’s easier said than done, but these kinds of boundaries have truly helped me. As a woman, I tend to be emotional and sensitive around guys especially if I’m attracted to them, so I gave myself curfew on dates and even the telephone.

Sex is a beautiful thing, but God knew that people could not deal with the aftermath of fornication on their own, so He asked everyone to wait. When we give into fornication, painful soul ties are created, heartaches, depression, perversion and even addictions take us down a long road. The way I see it, God was thinking about our future before we were born. This, my friend is called the love of a Father. So the next time you get horny or want to give in, ask yourself whether you want to take the long road or do you want to the nearest exit to follow Christ?

When perfect becomes imperfect

This is one of those posts where the title makes you stop and think.

Like you,I get tired sometimes but my spirit won't allow me to give up because I have come too far.

For years,I was deceived into thinking that mistakes and failures make us irrelevant and when we fail,God becomes disappointed.

Unashamedly,I am being delivered from the opinions of others and it hurts but I know it's for my good. There are of lot of people who will say that they don't care what others think,but truth be told,some of those people are lying to themselves.

I no longer wish to lie or be lied to anymore about who I AM or what I do.

I thought I had already heard so many no's and walked in insecurity for too long and that chapter of my life was over.Well,I found out this week that now and again,God will cause some of His children to be denied, rejected and even fail ALL for His glory.

What glory you ask? The glory from a TEMPORARY setback is that we are not our failures and with or without success,God still calls us special.So until I am delivered from the "image of perfection",God is allowing me to endure contractions that only He can deliver me from.

The next few months will be painful but I need complete healing to take place-once and for all.

~Dr.Lorneka.

Transition

Transition.What is transition?

Transition is defined by dictionary.com as "process or period of changing from one state or condition to another."

If you are going through changes, be it physical and or/spiritual, it is very important that rely on the voice of God to either say Wait, Go or Be STILL!

Proverbs 3:6 says "...in all your ways acknowledge the Lord." This means that we should consult or communicate with Him about our going and coming.Even if it's something you think is small.

Making decisions in the midst of change that are temporary or not God-driven can lead you to misery or joy.

So today,if you are going through changes,consult God on what to do and then consider it a good thing because when you go through THIS change,you will come out greater than before.

God bless you beloved!

And the Lord did it-again

This past weekend was another triumphant moment for me.After six to seven years,I graduated with my doctorate of pharmacy from the College of Pharmacy at Florida A&M University in Tallahassee.

Aside from celebrating this huge accomplishment, I was really amazed at the things that God did through my family while we were together.Since my mother and grand-mother's death,my family grew apart because our house was the place where everyone gathered most of the time.I don't believe it was intentional but when I traveled back home to Nassau on breaks,I noticed the changes and began praying for God to mend this area.

Reconciliation is God's greatest ministry and so whenever I recognize there is a breach in my relationships (family/friends), I try to become a change agent.This also stems from the fact that my family and I had so many funerals so it's really important that forgiveness, love and service becomes a daily act between us even though we are not in the same country.

But I want to thank God for the chain-breaking moments that occurred this weekend.I was blessed to have my baby brother with me and my step-father reached out to me in more ways than one and this really caught me by surprise.I was hurt when he did not come to assist me with my mother in her last stages of multiple sclerosis.However,he too was hurt by her death but I became selfish and felt that he owed me an apology for the lies and disappointments.I was wrong for thinking he owed me an apology so for this,I am grateful.

Last but not least, God revealed some of the plans He has for me through my mentor and covenant sisters via prophetic words.At first I struggled with the plans because I couldn't see myself doing some of the things but that started to change today.My covenant sisters are all powerful and anointed in their respective places and it's an honor to be in a relationship with them as we're being discipled my mentor and God-mother.

I don't know who will read this post but I want to encourage you to go and act on the dreams that God placed on the inside of you.My motivation came from my mother's unnecessary death but I prayed about this career choice and God made it happen because I had CRAZY faith.So if you're struggling and somehow your dreams died along the way, I speak LIFE over you right now and I challenge you to dream AGAIN.

It's time to give God and the world all you've got.One of my favorite authors,Dr.Myles Munroe said it best. And I quote, "The graveyard is the richest place on the surface of the earth because there you will see the books that were not published, ideas that were not harnessed, songs that were not sung, and drama pieces that were never acted."

If God fulfilled my dreams with $206,two denials from immigration,seven deaths in eight years,a rejection letter from the school that later accepted me into their program a year later and two degrees,surely He wants to do wonders through you as well. So be encouraged and find your dream place again and activate your faith today so you too can say,

And the Lord did it - again!

God bless you.

My mentor & I at my graduation

Why is nothing happening?

It's February 25th, 2013 and you are still waiting on a few things to happen in your life.Well, I want to encourage you to go back to your vows that you made earlier in the year or for some of you,last year.

If we are not careful,we tend to blame God and the devil for a lot of things which we are responsible for. As it relates to the vows I mentioned earlier,those vows were made either in our hearts or written down as a New Year's Eve resolution.After giving my life to Christ,making vows at the beginning of the year and breaking them by Valentine's day was not a smart thing to keep doing at all.

Why is this not a good thing? In the word of God,Ecclesiastes 5:5 states "It is better to not make a vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it." I love the New Living Translation (NLV) which states- "it is better to say nothing than to make a promise and not keep it."

Now I know you're probably thinking that the vows you silently made in your heart or to God are not important.Well, if they were not important, then why did you decide to even waste time thinking about it?

It is very important that you and I focus on being intentional about our character and the things we want to see manifest in the earth.Go back to your drawing board, your journal, your mind and think on the reasons as to why the goals you want are not in your frontal view.The year is not over and God is a God of a second chance but you must be intentional about working alongside Him so He can help make your plans reality. Renew your mind and get back to January 1st,2013 where you were so excited to live.

And if you have become discouraged along the way,do yourself a favor and pull on your faith to strengthen you again for the journey ahead.One area that constantly changes for me is my prayer life.We all say that prayer changes things but yet we devote little time to the thing that is so powerful. Prayer is not hard. Prayer is simply a dialogue (not a monologue) with God. It must become an essential element of your life.God promised to never leave us nor forsake us.So I leave you with this question- "have you forsaken Him or have you broken a vow."

God bless you.